MANHATTAN - Donald Trump's baby, Celebrity Apprentice kicked off with a thunderous thud that was heard from Manhattan, New York all the way to Manhattan Beach, California.
And when the dust had finally settled all that was left was dust - lots and lots of industrial damn dust. And who was the unlucky 'celebrity' to be the very first one fired...Carol Leifer. And no doubt probably 97 percent of the wonderful readers who are reading this story are asking, 'Carol Leifer? Who the (hell or heck) is Carol Leifer?'
Ms. Leifer, whose last name is Lithuanian for 'who the hell stole my punchline' lists her profession as a writer/comedian. A check into the American Registry of Writer/Comedians did not turn up a Carol Leifer. Molly Shannon, yes; Amy Poehler, yes; Phyllis Diller, yes; but no Carol Leifer.
Oh well, it looks like someone pulled a fast one on the man with the Hairdo From The Lower Depths of Hell...Donald Trump, which rhymes with chump, which rhymes with hump, which rhymes with dump, which does not rhyme with busted just loves to play his filthy rich egomaniacal mind games.
Yes ladies and gentleman when it comes to games of the cabeza (head), Donald Trump is the Phil Jackson of the financial world.
And speaking of cabello (hair) as Salma Hayek would say it if she had not been banned from being a celebrity contestant for speaking too much Spanish. This year's Celebrity Apprentice edition has more dysfunctional hair than any of the eight previous seasons.
Another individual who also like El Donaldo apparently does not own a mirror, or if she does own one definitely does not know how to use is it Cyndi "Girls Just Want To Have Sex" Lauper.
La Lauper's platinum hair with red stains looked like it was a victim of Hurricane Katrina. Or perhaps she got into a knock-down, drag-out fight with the princess of the GOP, the ever lovely and absolutely ludicrous skank Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter.
Sitting next to Lauper certainly helped Sharon Osbourne improve the look of her Ronald McDonald-looking mangy red hair by at least 200 percent.
But in the hair department, Donald Trump, Cyndi Lauper, and Sharon Osbourne can be forgiven since their collective age is close to 250.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Reader, please don't worry about getting out your calculator. 250 divided by 3 equals 83.3 - you're welcome.]
But the one person who cannot be forgiven for his horrible looking hair is none other than Donald Trump's little boy, Donnie Trump, Jr., who looks like his hair was combed by one of the monkeys who reside at the Bronx Zoo, the somewhat rather stupid one.
So overall, it looks like another wonderful season for Donald Trump Senior, who truly relishes in pitting the team members against their own team members. For example: "Okay Cyndi tell me who was the lousiest member of your team? Who would you fire if you were an asshole like me? Who did not carry their weight? Come on Cyndi, no one keeps the Trumpster waiting. Cyn-di. So tell me which of your team members is basically not worth a shit? And I need an answer quick or else I'll reveal to my tremendous viewing audience the various places on your body where cellulite seems to be the norm."
So tune in to Celebrity Apprentice next week when Donald Trump asks former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich "So tell me Roddy, while you were in prison, were you a guy or a girl?"