Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 15 March 2010

image for Will.i.am Says "Hey Yo, I Be Wantin' Dat Cheryl (Cole) Ta Be's My Beach."
Cheryl showing what Ashley ain't never gettin' again. (NOTE: As they say in Baja California: "Que Estupido.")

BROOKLYN - The Black Eyed Peas performed at the exclusive Brooklyn club, P Diddy's Bro's & Ho's Lounge.

Peas member William James Adams, Jr., aka Will.i.am was asked about his recent remarks regarding the British songstress, X-Factor judge, and soon-be-ex-wife of Chelsea footballer Ashley "Wild Wiggly" Cole.

Will replied that all his remarks regarding Countess Cheryl are as true as the highly noticeable nose on Amy Winehouse's face.

The PeasBoy noted that ever since he first set his raging hormonal eyes on Mrs. Cole he has been totally infatuated with her. He even said that he wishes that he was Derek Hough, because if any guy in the U.S. or the U.K. has an excellent shot at getting to Cheryl's groin goody it is brother Derek Hough, the good-looking blonde dancing machine from Dancing With The Stars.

Will said that if he were lucky enough to be the man in Cheryl's life he would be so thrilled he would change his name from Will.i.am to Will.i.be.one.lucky-ass.s.o.b.

He went on to say that to prove his dedication and devotion to Mrs. Cole, he would even go to his personal tattooist and have him tattoo the phrase, "This Poken Thang Belongs To Cheryl Only!" on his crotch dangler (taco tickler).

SIDENOTE: When Cheryl was told about Will.i.am's comments she smiled and said that he sounds like a sweet little devoted fan. She went on to say that she's already worn black and she is not wearing it again. She winked and said that now she is leaning more to white, as in Derek "The White Wonder" Hough.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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