Written by Bureau
Print this

Saturday, 13 March 2010

image for Tom Cruise Explains Why People Die
All Ready & Waiting For Cruise To Jump On!

Tom Cruise apparently felt sorry for the reporters asking him about his next movie and enlightened us on the fact that he and the other scientologists had found what causes death.

As he explained he got more and more excited, often waving his arms and his eyes were huge!

"You poor people, if only I could make you understand. I feel for you, I really do!"

He then stated that he would give us a short message that would benefit us for the rest of our lives, which could be very long lives, indeed.

"You see, gentlemen...and you two ladies, of course. The leading cause of death is that people get old! You see that? You connect that up in your minds? If we can keep from aging, we would live a lot longer provided we don't die in an accident or something."

He then informed us that as we get older, we get these diseases but if we ate right and exercised regularly, drunk plenty of good water and stayed off drugs and too much alcohol, took vitamins, we would live a lot longer.

Then, he patted each one of us on the shoulder and walked away, shaking his head.

"Funny", stated a fellow reporter. "Both my parents and grand parents must have been scientologists, plus most of my teachers. They all said the same thing...but they got old. Must have fallen off the wagon."

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 1?

8 11 5 23
53 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more