Written by The Red Menace
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Topics: Music

Saturday, 13 March 2010

image for EMI tried to placate Pink Floyd with cigar

After a court ruled this week that rock band Pink Floyd could stop record label EMI from selling individual songs from its albums, an insider for the music giant was quick to deny that EMI were just a faceless corporation looking to exploit artists.

According to the inside sources, EMI went to extraordinary lengths to accommodate the wishes of Pink Flood band members Dave Gilmour and Roger Waters.

The source claims that EMI sent letters to Gilmour and Waters offering them to "Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar.", but that both declined.

The letter continued "You're gonna go far, you're gonna fly high, you're never gonna die, you're gonna make it, if you try. They're gonna love you."

While refusing to comment on the exact contents of the letter, a senior EMI executive said "Well I've always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincere. The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think", adding "Oh by the way, which one's Pink?"

Both Gilmour and Waters said that a wider issue was at work here, namely the right for artists to retain some form of creative control of their work.

"With Pink Floyd" said a source close to the band, "you have to look at the music as a whole, not just a series of songs that can be broken up and sold wholesale. Albums like "Dark Side of the Moon" and "The Wall" are works of music, they cannot be disassembled and flogged on iTunes, that would be like cutting up the Mona Lisa and selling off bits on eBay".

"For far too long record companies have exploited artists as if they were an unending source of revenue, and with the internet they are finding new ways to screw every last ounce out of musicians."

EMI, however, were reported to unrepentant. Reacting to Gilmour and Waters' wishes for artistic integrity an EMI representative said "And did we tell you the name of the game, boy? We call it Riding the Gravy Train."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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