Written by Skoob1999
Print this

Thursday, 11 March 2010

image for Cheryl Treated Ashley Like Dirt Claims Family Friend
Ashley Denies That He's A Bad Apple

,According to those in the know, Ashley and Cheryl Cole's separation came as no surprise. Because Cheryl has been treating Ashley like dirt for months.

A friend of the family claimed that Ashley was virtually forced into seeking sexual gratification from alternative sources as Cheryl was never around when he needed to fill his boots.

The friend went on to claim that Cheryl was so busy carving out a career for herself that she completely neglected her marital responsibilities, was rarely present in the family residence, and went on to really take the piss by moving her mother into the home.

Apparently, Ashley found this all a little hard to take even moreso when he was openly taunted about his non-existent sex life by his Chelsea FC team-mates in training sessions.

It also seems that Ashley's texting of rude texts of his underpants and his cock end were not his original idea. The friend confided that Ashley had gotten the idea from a fellow celebrity, one who often texted explicit photographs of his cock and balls to well known glamour models of the type who flash their tits on the third page of national tabloids.

We were also told that Ashley was insanely jealous of Joe McElderry off the X-Factor whom he suspected Cheryl was giving sneaky hand-jobs to in the backs of taxis.

A source purporting to be a friend of Cheryl's told us that Ashley's suspicions were completely unfounded and that the Chelsea and England full back was simply squirming like a fish on a hook because he'd been caught out in his cheating ways yet again.

The couple are expected to announce a tearful reunion and pledge their undying love for one another as soon as the Sunday papers can fit them in on the front page.

Reports that Cheryl is pregnant were vehemently denied.

The couple's pet dogs appear to be handling the traumatic break-up in a stoic way, although one of them is reported to have shit on the carpet during the night.

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 2?

8 7 22 10
67 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more