Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Music, Penis, vagina, Charity

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

image for Man With Talking Penis And Woman With Whistling Vagina Duet On Charity CD
'Wandrin Star' - Out Monday. Help The Fuckstruck.

As of Monday, music lovers the world over will be able to play a nice new tune on their i-Pods content with the knowledge that they have also contributed much-needed funds to a worthy charity.

Which is pretty old hat really.

Except that this single really is unique, featuring the man with the talking penis, and the woman with the whistling vagina performing 'Wandrin Star' from the musical 'Paint Your Wagon' as originally recorded by Lee Marvin, the ex-US Marine who got shot in the arse in the Pacific in WWII.

Garfield Glans is the Man With The Talking Penis. Glans, 27, from Plymouth, Devon, first discovered his unique talent in the shower, where he learned that with the correct degree of buttock clenching, he could make sounds approximating the spoken word emanate from his knob end. After four years of practice involving a great deal of trial and error, Glans could finally reproduce something approximating coherent speech out of the eye that rarely winks. Garfield Glans is now an accomplished performer. He has appeared on Countdown and The Alan Titchmarsh Show but it wasn't until he guested on The One Show with Christine Bleakley and Adrian 'Chuy' Chiles that his career really took off.

Glans is currently appearing in his one man show in the West End, 'The Cock End Dialogues'

The Woman With The Whistling Vagina, or Prudence Flisspapps as her friends know her, also discovered her unique whistling vagina quite accidentally whilst working as an Amsterdam Ping Pong Woman in a sleazy sex club. Once Prudence found out that her fanny could whistle there was no holding her back. She quit the job of expelling ping-pong balls from her vagina at high velocity and wasted no time in securing a recording contract with Simon Cowshed, going on to unprecedented success.

Indeed it was Cowshed who proposed the charity duet, and picked the song, on the basis that there aren't too many songs you can carry off with a whistling fanny and a talking cock.

All proceeds from the song will go to TheFuckstruck Foundation a registered charity which helps out fuckstruck people.

Simon Cowshed explains:

"Fuckstruckness isn't even recognised as an illness, even though it costs the NHS billions every year. To be fuckstruck is to harbour a painful desire to be with somebody you once slept with, but who doesn't really want to know you any more. Fuckstruck people tend to do some pretty stupid fucking things, like jump in canals and shit because their love is unrequited. That's what this CD is all about, bringing help and support to the chronically fuckstruck."

So there you have it - more talking cocks and whistling fannies for the terminally fuckstruck as we get them.

Cheryl Cole is still 5'3"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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