HOLLYWOOD HILLS - American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi was interviewed in her beautiful Hollywood Hills mansion Casa de Musica.
The attractive brunette was dressed in a red, white, and blue bikini swimsuit with matching flip flops and diamond-studded belly button stud.
She sat crossed legged on an imported Lithuanian leather love seat sipping on a Diet Dr. Pepper and munching on Peruvian imported pretzels.
DioGuardi said that the salt on the Peruvian pretzels contains a secret ingredient that helps in the bodily production of lactoidal mizzenalites which are vital to the production of mammary milk, G-spot firmness, and rectal unification.
Kara was asked what in the world rectal unification means. She smiled, adjusted her bikini bottom, and replied that she has no idea what rectal unification is, but added that Simon told her that it was vital, so as far as she is concerned it is vital.
DioGuardi, who is 39, was asked about her infatuation with contestant Casey James, the 'cowboy toy' from Fort Worth. Kara blushed and said that she is so over that. She added that her husband had become very upset when he saw her carrying on like a horny, boy-crazy school girl.
Kara said that she agreed after seeing the playback of the show where James sang the Bryan Adams song "Heaven."
DioGuardi was asked why she sits so close to Simon Cowell, and at times actually touching his shoulder with her shoulder.
Kara said that she had promised that she would not reveal the real reason but added that she has to because it is causing her a lot of needless worry, stress, and the mysterious growth of hair on both of her nipples.
When told that female nipple hair is not that uncommon in places such as Albania, Angola, Azerbaijan, and Arkansas, Kara sighed a deep breath of relief and asked happily "Really?"
She took a sip of her Pepsi Cola and confessed that the reason she sits so close to Simon is because Ellen DeGeneres who sits on her other side at the judges panel has twice made goo-goo eyes at her and once quietly whispered that she (Ellen) would love to touch her (Kara's) inner thigh in a most gay way.
In world news. Korea's Kim Jong Il has received a certified letter from Russia telling him that his country's missile, nicknamed Missy Ming Ming, is being recalled. It seems that there is an electronic component situated in the synchronized logistical contingency system that can malfunction causing the missile to turn completely green and take on the appearance of a gigantic silly-looking cucumber.