Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 March 2010

image for The Academy Awards: Sandra Bullock Wins The Oscar For Best Actress
The autographed football that Michael Ober sold to Glenn Beck for $700.

HOLLYWOOD - Sandra Bullock beat out the highly favored Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren to win the Academy Award for Best Actress.

Bullock won for her performance in the movie Blind Side, which is not the story of Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder as many people first believed.

During her acceptance speech Bullock thanked everyone connected with the film. She then started crying and said that she is thrilled that she won because it sends a message to other actresses like Kate Hudson, Keira Knightley, and Calista Flockhart that just because a girl is extremely flat-chested does not mean that she cannot win an Academy Award.

In the movie the Austin actress plays the part of Leigh Anne Tuohy, who teaches a black boy named Michael Oher how to play football.

Tuohy teaches Oher the fundamentals of sacking the quarterback, blocking the hell out of the other teams offensive linemen, and tackling the daylights out of running backs.

During three of Oher's high school football games Tuohy is given the team ball. On two occasions she is given the team's roll of white ankle tape, and on the last game of the season Mrs. Tuohy has the bucket of orange Gatorade dumped on her white T-shirt and beige jeans.

Michael ends up getting a scholarship to the University of Ole Miss where he records an amazing average of 13 sacks per game. Oher also plays electric bass guitar in the Ole Miss marching band and on weekends performs in a hip hop band called Boys 2 Bro's.

Bullock has also won the Golden Globe, Screen Actors Guild, People's Choice, and the Rap Music Industry's awards for best actress.

When her husband, motorcycle mechanic Jesse James was asked to comment on his wife winning the Academy Award, James, who is a man of few words, simply said, "The Oscar will look good on our dining room table next to the salt and pepper shakers."

Oher who resides in Tennessee was drafted and plays for the Baltimore Ravens. He reportedly has expressed a desire to be traded to the Tennessee Titans so that he can be close to his adopted mother Leigh Anne.

Michael credits Mrs. Tuohy with getting him out of the habit of saying colloquialisms like "Shucks ma'am," "How comes ya don't hardly ever buys grits no mo," and "I sho nuff be likin' da way dat Beyonce shakes her chumbawumbas mmmmm-mmmmm ah huh."

In a related story. Sandra Bullock will soon start production on 'Zorro 3 - Yes The Black Mask Goes With Everything.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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