Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 3 March 2010

image for Ashley Cole Says That The Real Reason Cheryl Won't Take Him Back Is Because He Is Black
Cheryl Cole shown at L.A.'s La Brea Tar Pits has denied that she nicknamed Derek Hough's penis "Mr. Happy Dancer."

LONDON - Cheryl Cole left the studios of L'Oreal Cosmetics where she had just spent eight hours shooting a commercial when she was asked about her marriage.

Cole managed a smile and said that it does not look good. When asked why, her smile left her face and she replied, "Because me damn bloomin' 'usband cannot seem ta keep 'is blitherin' wandering peckster in 'is friggin' pants fa goodness sakes dats why."

She was asked if she can find it in her heart to forgive him. She said that she may probably one day, in the distant future be able to find it in her heart to forgive him, but quickly added that she will never be able to find it in her vagina to forgive him.

Cheryl was asked about the reports which had appeared in The Wembley Morning Wire and The Twickenham Times Telegram stating that her husband Ashley had told a reporter for the French magazine Ooh La La Illustrated that the real reason that his wife was dumping him was because he is black.

Cheryl started laughing so much she said that she had to run to the little girls room before she peed on herself.

When she returned she pointed out that Ashley is grasping for straws and that the real reason that she is divorcing him is because he thinks that he has to show his dinky doo (wiener) to every friggin skank, ho, and opportunistic bitch that comes down the pike or thighs as it were.

The former Spice Girl grinned and said that if Ashley does not back off and stop playing the part of the poor little, mistreated husband she is going to call up the BBC and inform them that he has a three-inch thingy just like Jon Gosselin's except that it's black and not yellow.

In a related story. Cheryl's fellow X-Factor lady judge Dannii Minogue said that since becoming pregnant she has gained a total of 129 pounds. She adds that she is now having to buy her clothes at the same shop, New York's Phat Phat Mama Boutique, that Kirstie Alley, Aretha Franklin, Mo'Nique, and Queen Latifah get their clothes

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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