Written by Hartley
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Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for Ashley Cole Pays The Price
Alex Reid earns a crust of his own

Footballer Ashley Cole is reported to be in emotional turmoil following his marriage break-up. He is currently residing at a sports clinic in France where he is being treated for injuries ahead of the World Cup Finals. It is said he is struggling to focus on his recovery and has sent his estranged wife Cheryl the same text over 1,000 times but as yet has had no reply.

I can exclusively reveal that in a bid to get the message to Cheryl he contacted businesswoman Katie Price to see if she could deliver it on his behalf. A source close to Price disclosed that she agreed to take on the job for a five figure sum.

After receiving her payment online Katie tried to phone Cheryl, but she would not take her calls, reportedly saying "I won't speak to that woman".

In order to complete the task Katie hatched a cunning plan and employed the services of her second husband and cross-dressing ex-cagefighter, Alex Reid, for a reported sum of one pound in pocket money and some new fishnet stockings.

Dressed as Girls Aloud stunner, Kimberley Walsh, Alex managed to fool security to gain access to Cheryl's home and hand delivered the message from Ashley.

Cheryl filled with tears as she read the scrawled note which said "I left my lucky baggy pants behind. Can you send them on please? The white ones from the photos. Can't see me getting any without them. Ta. Ash x".

Cheryl is reported to have lost her temper and screamed at Alex, "Why have you done this Kimberley? I thought I could trust you!!!"

Alex was immediately rumbled as an impostor when he replied "What Katie wants Katie gets."

Reid was swiftly removed by security and taken out to Price's pink jewel-encrusted horsebox which she uses for special undercover operations.

Katie is said to be furious with Reid and has sent him to his room until further notice. Cheryl Cole maintained a dignified silence and refused to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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