Written by Hartley
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Saturday, 27 February 2010

image for Peter Andre: Secret Girlfriend Named
Sign hanging on the rocking banaba truck

I can exclusively reveal that Peter Andre has been involved in a secret love affair for the past few months, despite taking an official line with the media that he is single.

Speculation over Peter's love life has been rife since he split with his ex-wife and businesswoman Katie Price. However today I can exclusively reveal the shocking truth that Peter Andre has been having a ridiculous amount of secret sex with international megastar Susan Boyle.

Boyle revealed yesterday how she met Andre at Philip Schofield's speed dating party last November and was over the moon to find there was an instant connection. She has been meeting the walking six-pack for secret love trysts ever since. Lifting the lid on the whole affair for the first time Subo told us how she has been meeting Andre regularly at a transport cafe near Brighton. Disguised as an articulated lorry driver Boyle and Andre have been igniting their passions in the back of a banana truck.

"Pete was terrified people would find out and wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible", reveals Boyle, "But I was smitten .. and I mean smitten... I even bought a Team Andre shopping bag to use to buy soup."

It is reported that although Boyle is head over heels in love with Andre, he does not feel the same way and is only in it for the sex.

Peter was unavailable to comment as he was polishing his halo, but his manager said "He's a single red-blooded male. He's done nothing wrong. What man wouldn't want to sleep with Susan Boyle?"

Katie Price was unavailable for comment as she was having eyelash extensions fitted to her unborn child. Alex Reid could not comment due to the gagging order Price attached to his face as a wedding present.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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