Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 27 February 2010

image for The U.S. and The U.K. To Ban "Um" and "You Know" During Award Show Acceptance Speeches
The BAFTA Awards microphone that Colin Firth "Umed" and "You Knowed" into the ground.

LONDON - The combined governments of the United States and the United Kingdom have decided to act on thousands of complaints, requests, and suggestions and will immediately be moving to ban the use of the words "um" and "you know" in award show acceptance speeches.

Sir Reginald Cuttingsworth founder and director of the linguistic entertainment agency known as Say What? has decided to champion the cause and has drafted the necessary paperwork to get the 'speech space filler' ball rolling.

Sir Reginald stated that the last straw in this verbalization pronouncement came to pass during the recent BAFTA Awards in Great Britain.

Actor Colin Firth, who resides in Chiswick, stood before the assembled audience and proceeded to give his thanks and shout outs. During his speech Mr. Firth used the word "um" a total of 19 times and the two-word phrase "you know" a total of 22 times.

After Mr. Firth finished his acceptance speech he went backstage where he was informed of the number of times he had mentioned "um" and "you know."

Colin appeared quite surprised and puzzled and then said, "Ah, you know, um I was not at all aware of the fact that I was saying um, and ah, you know, but you know what, um I will certainly do my very best to stop saying you know and um."

SIDENOTE: Cuttingsworth has announced that the banning of the U word and the YK words will be officially known as The Colin Firth Um and You Know Award Show Acceptance Speech Banning Act of 2010.

The story was inspired by an article which appeared in The Spoof site entitled 'Alternative BAFTA Awards 2010 - A Bolivian Review,' which was written by Colonel Juan founder and director of the prestigious Montague Pyper Traveling Theatrical Troupe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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