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Saturday, 27 February 2010

image for Martha Stewart: How To Wipe Your Ass Using Only One Corncob
"Don't Waste Your Cobs!"

Today's guests on Martha Stewart are one Lonas Peediddle of Badger, Arkansas and his pig, Alice.

Martha announced that today her audience would be learning a basic survival technique from a Mr. Badger from Peediddle, Arkansas.

"Uh, right...or close enough. Alice, get back in that truck. That's my little gal, my favorite one", stated Mr, Peediddle.

When told to go ahead, Mr. Peediddle unhooked his overalls and started on his long handles when Martha stopped him.

"No , Mr Alice..Badger.. just TELL the audience. Don't show the whole thing."

"Right you are Miss Corncob! Well shit, where do I start. Oh, with shit...hee hee. See this corncob, Martha? Settle down Alice. She has to be the most jealous sow I've ever had."

"Mr. Badger?"

"Oh yeah. You hold the very tip of the cob and you pull it down between your cheeks on this side. Then you reverse it, like so. Then you can sling a little off if you want. I usually hold my pinkie out when I do that. That's to let it pee."

"Now you use the other two sides and, this part is a little tricky. You twirl the cob up your wazzoo and get the rest. Kinda of like peeling an apple without stopping."

"Folks, I'll close fer Ms. Stewart. I slung some pig stuff on her. I forget I used one side on Alice this morning. Serves her right for calling me a badger! Come on Martha, we're going home. I MEAN Alice! Now I"M up shit creek. She'll squeal all the way home."

"Women!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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