LONDON - One has to hand it to Ashley Cole, err on second thought lets make that one has to admire the Chelsea chap for pulling out all of the stops in trying to salvage his marriage to his wife the "Pond Hopping" Cheryl Cole (Hough?).
Ashley, or "Tiger Two" as Cheryl has been referring to him has enlisted the services of his mum (mom) to help put the dozens of broken pieces of his marriage back together again.
But it really and truly looks like Sue "Boo-Hoo" Cole will have her work cut out for her. In the words of Sir Paul McCartney's 1999 hit song "Liverpool Dumpty," All the kings horses and all the kings men could not put Humpty together again.
The latest words coming out of Ashley's mouth, who is nursing a broken ankle, broken heart, and broken wedding vow, is that he swears that the six women who claim to have had intimate relations with him were merely 'football fans.'
The Chelsea footballer said that the 'football fans' asked for his autograph, a photograph, and then jumped his bones and slammed him onto the bed before he even realized that his 'winky-wonk' had come out of its crotch closet.
Ashley has stated that he has been reading the detailed accounts of Tiger Woods' "Golf Gate" situation and he sees a lot of similarities. For one, he noted that both chaps are black. Both are sports figures. Both are somewhat thin. And both have absolutely no respect whatsoever for their sacred marriage vows or their devoted wives.
Mr. Cole pointed out that since he makes more money than Cheryl he should be allowed to do more things. When asked to explain, he answered, that he should have the right to meet, mingle, and mample his adult female fans.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Rodriguez and I have no idea what Ashley Cole means by the word 'mample.' So we can only suggest a 'perhaps' meaning. Abel said that he thinks that 'mample' perhaps means 'bonk.' I say that 'mample' perhaps means 'boink.' If any reader knows exactly what the word 'mample' means please kindly send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. ]