Written by Amethyst Ryder
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Susan Boyle "appears" to devotee via traffic light
SuBo fan: "I saw the light!"

A Susan Boyle fan posting on the Greatest Only-est Online Susa-show on Earth (GOOSE) excitedly announced the sighting of SuBo's image in the glowing red orb of a stop light.

"I was waiting in traffic, during the afternoon rush hour, listening to 'How Great Thou Art' on repeat-track, when I looked up at the red light--and there she was, smiling down upon me!" wrote SuePiersLove. "Till now I've focused more upon her romance with Piers Morgan than upon her spiritual side, but this encounter has definitely made me think. It was unreal."

Reactions on GOOSE ranged from "wow" to "cool" to "lucky you!" but beyond the choir of GOOSE a different tune was sung.

"Give me a f---ing break," said Gypsy Ghost, a self-described "admirer of Susan's voice" who adamantly disavowed any association whatsoever with GOOSE. "They invade Susan's hometown to preach Jesus to a country that has churches that've been around longer than America, they mob her and scare the living crap out of her in New York with professions of undying love, and now they think she's not only bigger than Jesus, she is Jesus."

"It's a blessing!" countered GOOSE member Scotland Needs Jesus. "A blessing from the Lord! God be praised!"

The closest approximation to skepticism expressed on GOOSE came from GOOSE stalwart Holy Rollin and Happy Clappin. "I think we need to approach this with caution," said HRHC, as he is affectionately known among the membership. "I mean, yes, while we all think of red scarves when we think of Susan, we also need to remember who else is associated with the color red: the old Master of Deceit Himself. Could it be--Satan?"

"Nonsense," retorted RedWhiteNBlue4Sue. "The difference between 'Susan' and 'Satan' is the U-S."

"AMEN!" exclaimed Blessed Bea, posting a photo of several cartons filled with U.S. Evangelistic Society tracts which had been recently translated into Scottish dialect. "Revival is coming to Scotland by way of US!"

"I'll tell you what I'd like to revive," snickered Yorkshire Haggis, one of thousands of Disgruntled Outcasts from GOOSE, a.k.a. DOG, thereby prompting a twenty-page thread--increasingly salacious and mostly at the expense of GOOSE--on the boards of DOG.

Regarding DOG, GOOSE could not be reached for further comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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