Written by Rupert Murdoch
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Rumours abound that Susan's performance in Japan on the 1st April will be her last. The singer has decided to call it quits.

She will allegedly thank her fans for their undying love and support and it is with regret that she has decided to step down from the limelight. The constant performance schedule is taking a toll on her emotional health.

Susan misses her community life in Blackburn, would like Pebbles back with her, and has noted the strain her family has been under due to her rise from anonymity.

Susan is now the owner of the Council house where she grew up and currently resides and has obtained advice from a financial planner how best to invest her earnings to see her through well into her retirement years, which she intends to occupy by resuming her volunteer work at her parish church and singing karaoke at the Happy Valley Pub.

Asked if she had any parting words for her fans, she replied "be careful what you dream for, it may actually come true" and then added "but always with a price. I'm not prepared to pay the price of losing my family and community which mean so much to me".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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