Sheryl Cole is fast-tracking her divorce to Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, stating that she does not want any of his fortune, and just wants to rid herself of the bad memories.
The Newcastle born singer won't be able to completely rid herself of her soon to be ex-husband though, as she had a tattoo shortly after they married that reads "Mrs C". Having already had a consultation with several top tattoo removal specialists, the former Miss Tweed has discovered that the process will leave an ugly scar, and hurt an awful lot.
Not wanting a scar or pain, she has been left with two choices. Either she can have the tattoo amended to say something else, although she has rejected "Mrs O" and "Mrs Christmas", or she can marry another man whose surname begins with 'C'.
The Girl Aloud singer's circle of friends is not huge, and the number of prospective husbands is small. Additionally, there is a deficit of entries in her little black book under 'C'.
Insiders at the X-Factor, on which Shezza is a judge, have revealed that she has been flirting outrageously and throwing herself at Simon Cowell.
"Well, he's single-ish," said Xavier Xerxes, the show's Gossip Manager, "so you can understand it. Derek Hough doesn't stand a chance, you just can't make a C into an H."
Both Sheryl Cole and Simon Cowell were unavailable for comment, although, apparently, they were not unavailable for comment together.