Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for Derek Hough - "I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman"
Sarah Harding Poring Over 'How To Get Spoofed' By Colonel Juan.

Using the words of an ex-President is usually a pretty much guaranteed way of talking your way out of a situation and persuading people to believe that you're telling the truth.

Unless those words are the words of Bill Clinton as he denied having any sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, words which proved to be little white lies.

Unfortunately for dancer Derek Hough, recently spotted escorting Cheryl Cole in LA, these are the words he reportedly used to a photographer as he emerged from Cole's LA hotel room in the early hours, prior to her departure to London.

The photographer told us exclusively:

"Yeah. Derek Hough did speak to me as he left. He said, 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman.' Which means he must have. Was he denying anything untoward or was he just gloating that he'd porked the famous Cheryl Cole? I don't know. He didn't elaborate on it in any way. He just intimated that he hadn't porked her, which as I said, probably means that he did. Unless he didn't, and was simply telling the truth. I couldn't say to be sure."

Acting swiftly on this information, we called Derek Hough and asked him if it was true that he'd been porking Monica Lewinski in Cheryl Cole's hotel suite. He acted surprised and pretended that he didn't know what we were talking about so we hung up on him. Just for a laugh, like.

We then called Bill Clinton's office in New York and asked if there was any truth in the rumour that Bill Clinton had porked Cheryl Cole in Monica Lewinski's bathroom. They hung up on us.

In desperation we called Sarah Harding and asked her if she'd been involved in an orgy with Cheryl Cole, Derek Hough, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinski and Hugo Chavez.

"You're spoofing me right?" she trilled. "At last and about time! I've been waiting for this moment for years!"

We told Ms Sarah Harding that we were serious journalists, and that we were not spoofing her. She started to cry as we hung up on her. We thought that was funny. No way would we ever spoof Sarah Harding!

The bottom line remains a grey area.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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