In anticipation of her 49th birthday in April, American fans of Scottish singer Susan Boyle are preparing the "perfect" gift for a woman who now has everything: a superstar-sized parcel of 49 packages of toilet paper, all wrapped together in a giant red plastic tablecloth.
Members of the Greatest Only-est Online Susa-show on Earth (GOOSE) say that they were inspired during a typical forum discussion centering around concern for Susan's well-being. "It's up to her dedicated fans to make sure she's well cared for in the wake of sudden fame and fortune," wrote Blessed Bea. "And nothing says 'care' like top-quality paper for your bottom."
"Nobody makes toilet paper better than the good old U S of A," declared RedWhiteNBlue4Sue.
"Do they even have toilet paper in Scotland?" added Scotland Needs Jesus.
A member of GOOSE, who spoke to this writer only on condition of anonymity, admitted that the gift-giving project very nearly got bogged down in heated debate about which brand of American toilet paper was the best brand of American toilet paper.
In the end, members agreed to contribute packages representing all of the major national brands, including Charmin and Scott 1000 Sheets, as well as regional brands representing the states in which the participating members reside.
"How wonderful," gushed SuePiersLove, "that Susan will have a reminder of her most loyal fans close at hand every day!"