Written by infernalpudding
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Monday, 8 November 2004

image for Michael Moore Eats One Too Many Tacos, Condenses Into Black Hole
Cheated "WeightWatchers" diet plan; now black hole the size of an SUV

Award winning filmmaker Michael Moore has reportedly condensed into a moderately sized black hole while eating at the Tremendous Taco Restaurant just outside of Little Rock, Arkansas.

According to the manager of the restaurant, who wishes to remain anonymous, Moore had eaten fifteen of their "Double Deluxe" tacos Thursday afternoon and had just been starting on his sixteenth when he unexpectedly collapsed into a point of infinite gravity.

Kenneth Rodgers, a Little Rock businessman, was ordering his food when Moore began to collapse.

"I was just minding my business, trying to order some food for me and my kids, when all of a sudden there's this big ‘whoosh' sound. I turned around to look, and there was this fat guy getting smaller and smaller, and my first thought was, ‘What the heck do they put in these things.' Then things started to get sucked toward him, and then I knew this wasn't just any average fat guy with a gravitational pull. This was serious."

When told that the "fat guy" was in fact a famous moviemaker, Rodgers responded, "So that must be Michael Moore… Damn he's big."

The 50-year old Moore, best known for the documentaries Fahrenheit 911 and Bowling for Columbine, was working on a new documentary, Sicko, focusing on the American healthcare system. It is not known whether or not the production will be continued in his absence.

Dr. Tyler Rosener, a local M.D. who specializes in weight disorders, was one of the first on the scene.

"In my 21 years in this profession, I have never seen anything like this," he said.

"My common sense tells me that a situation like this is impossible, but hey, its Michael Moore we're talking about."

Rosener does not believe that Moore's condition is reversible, but physicist Frederick Pavlov disagrees.

"According to the new theories of black hole formation, Moore should evaporate in roughly 15,000 years." Pavlov said.

"However, I believe that we can reverse his collapse by not allowing anything to enter his event horizon. Hopefully, that should allow him to burn off the extra weight he's gained. In short, we're putting him on the diet that's been so long overdue."

The popular taco establishment, which serves over 25,000 customers per year, has hired a team of expert physicists to determine how to get rid of the black hole, and believes that it can reopen its Little Rock branch by "early to mid February".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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