Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Madonna

Friday, 5 November 2004

image for Madonna's make-up artist quits, "Exhausted."
It's been a lot harder since the "fire"

In an interview with reporters from "Ego" magazine, the make-up artist for Pop star extraordinair, Madonna, said he's calling it quits.

"I've been doing this for fifteen years and I'm exhausted. We have watched Madonna and her career decompose over the last couple of years. She still thinks she is twenty-one and expects us to make her look that way. I don't have that much make-up or that much time. There comes a point in life when bullet bras and funnel tops are a thing of the past. This woman wants a miracle. She doesn't need me, she needs a priest. She is no longer the "Madonna" she used to be, but more like "Mad-Donna, and impossible to please."

He went on to say that it has been even harder lately to reconstruct her everyday, since the "fire". "Madonna herself was not burned, but all the latex implants we use to reconstruct her decomposing body and career were. We tried to remake them, but we could never get them quite right."

While he readily admits that Madonna works out and tries to keep in shape, he said, "Flesh is flesh, gravity is gravity, and dead is dead. Madonna is famous for re-inventing herself, but not for re-constructing herself. I don't want to hang around here waiting for the day, when I have to apply for a permit to remodel, every time I do her make-up."

He told us that the public would be appalled if they had to look at her everyday without the benefit of his handy-work. "I have to been on-call 24-7 for touch-ups. One day, she lost part of her nose during rehearsals and they paged me to ‘come in immediately.' I was right in the middle of lunch. A 12oz. New York steak, medium-rare, had just been put in front of me. I wanted to kill her. It took me over an hour just to find the nose, and then I had to reapply it. Believe me, by the time I was finished, I had lost my appetite."

The nosepiece, he explained, was not an item easily replaced. "They are all custom-made latex replacement parts. We finally found it, in one of the musician's guitar case. After that incident, I knew it was time to quit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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