Written by Bureau
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Friday, 19 February 2010

image for Tiger Woods Speech Takes 10 Minutes To Name Girlfriends

The much anticipated Tiger Woods speech went out Friday morning and the scheduled 5 minute apology turned into 14 minutes of names.

Reading everything before his audience made up of friends and family and a cheering George Stephanopoulos who seemed to think this was Obama speaking.

Stephanopoulos called the it "one of the most remarkable public apologies ever by a public figure ever, except the one Bill Clinton never gave. Tiger left nothing on the table," Stephanopoulos said. "This is a man who has thought a lot about what he's doing...he did."

Rick Cerrone, former New York Yankees public relations director, however, disagreed. "What I saw was arrogance. ... It was basically an infomercial," he said on CNN.

The big surprise was that Tiger admitted to doing wrong and apologized to his wife, family and friends. Then he began apologizing to each lady he had 'used' taking up another 8-9 minutes.

"Jennifer..Joan..Alice in Burbank...Alice in New York...the little blond at the casino in Reno...those five in Las Vegas...the one who called herself "Your little Behind"....Alice in Dallas, Texas...and so on.

He then stated that he wasn't staying because he needed to get back to the sex clinic as he had gotten himself all hot and bothered.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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