Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 19 February 2010

image for Taylor Swift Denies "Hanky Panky" Rumors About Her And Kelli Pickler
Kelli Pickler (L) and Taylor Swift (R) standing in line to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

ABERDEEN, South Dakota - Taylor Swift, who has just about won every country music award there is to win except for the 'life time achievement' award, performed before a sellout crowd of 19,000 at Aberdeen's Icicles A-Plenty Arena.

The arena's heating system had broken down so the temperature inside the arena was 29 degrees.

The country concert goers spent most of the concert standing up, clapping up a storm, and trying to keep from freezing their countrified bottoms off.

Taylor who came out wearing a little farm girl-looking short skirt was given a burlap sack from one of the audience members, a sugar beet farmer identified as Gladiola Jo Finsterbucket, 48.

Swift quickly put it around her waist and said that in the past the media has accused her of being 'cold' but this is ridiculous.

Taylor did not disappoint her fans as she sang all of her hits songs including her "F" word songs "Fearless," "Fifteen," "Friggin," "Fiddlesticks," and her latest "Fluffy."

"Fluffy" was co-written by Taylor and ex-American Idol alumni Kelli Pickler and is about two little girls growing up in the deep South who later end up moving to San Francisco and becoming full-fledged, flaming lesbians.

One of the top country music magazines in the nation, Hits & Grits Monthly is reporting in their March issue that one of Taylor's band members says that he thinks that there is some unbridled hanky panky going on between Swift and Pickler.

The musician who has since been fired, stated that after Taylor had perfomred at Lubbock's Prarie Dog Stadium he saw Pickler backstage enthusiastically touching Taylor's little tid-bits.

When the fired musician Billy "Bones" Buckinstall was asked what exactly he meant by tid-bits he pointed to his chest and said "Ya know, tid-bits, doo-dahs, speed bumps, morsels."

Buckinstall was asked where the heck he had gone to school. He raised his head and said that he had attended Stonewall Jackson High School in Natches, Mississippi where he had excelled at football, baseball, and tractor fixin'.

When asked if he maybe wasn't just upset and disgruntled at the fact that Taylor had fired him he immediately replied, "Nopers. No way. No how. no shit."

Buckinstall stated that the real reason that he was fired was because he refused to give up his intimate relationship with his aunt, who was Taylor's band bus driver before she fired her for drinking on the job.

"Bones" went on to say that aunt Gretchie only drank to get over the heartbreak of being dumped by her lifelong cousin and boyfriend Wally Bob "Cornshuck" Cortenblick, who he said left Gretchie cause he fell in love with a milk cow.

He half smiled and said that he knows that it sounds strange, sick, and highly demented but you just have to know old cousin "Cornshuck."

In the meantime, Taylor Swift told CNN's Larry King that even though she does consider Kelli Pickler to be a good-looking woman with a fine set of ka-nockers, she just has no interest in playing ball on the wienie-less team.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I asked Mr. Rodriguez if Taylor had actually said ka-nockers and not knockers and he said that he had watched that edition of Live with Larry King and Swift did most certainly say ka-nockers.]

For further information on the subject of country music female artists who may swing from the other side of the plate, as it were, you can logon to the Internet and go to www.carpetmunching.wow

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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