LOS ANGELES - Last week when Cheryl Cole left Heathrow and landed at LAX the X-Factor judge and wife of Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole looked quite the worse for wear. She seemed disoriented, distressed, and depressed.
She was asked how she felt. She just smiled and said tired. She was asked if she planned to divorce her philandering husband.
Cheryl smiled and asked, "Is Mickey a mouse? Is Donald a duck? Is Beep Beep a roadrunner?"
Cole was asked if she was planning on appearing on American Idol since her good friend and fellow X-Factor judge Simon Cowell is on the show.
Cheryl giggled and said that she has heard a lot about the American Idol judges and she really would like to meet them all.
She said that she wants to see if Ellen is really as gay as they say. She wants to see if Kara's niblets are really as perky as Simon has said, and she wants to see if Randy is really as dark as she has heard.
Cheryl was then asked if she liked Los Angeles. She replied that the city is fine but that the people remind her of a great big box of Granola. When asked in what way, she stated that what isn't fruits or nuts is flakes.
Mrs. Cole also noted that she is very afraid of earthquakes.
She asked when earthquake season ends. When told that it lasts 12 months out of the year she replied that she did not know if she could get used to them then.
When told that all she needs to do when she is in one is to simply pretend that she is having an orgasm and it won't be so bad.
Cheryl blushed and remarked that she can hardly wait for her first one. She quickly caught herself and said, "Earthquake I mean."
For further reading on England's Cheryl Cole read Walter W. Walpoles bibliography on Cole entitled, 'The Big Stick of Dynamite In A 5 foot 3 body.'