PITTSBURGH - Kate Gosselin, the Kate of the cancelled reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, was in town shopping for three washing machines when she was asked how she is holding up since her divorce.
The 34-year-old mother of eight replied that she was feeling fine except for those times around bedtime each night when she suddenly feels a strong craving for a (blank) to be poking around in the lonely depths of her unattended groin region.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow!]
The washing machine salesman, whose name is Sebastian Tiptonfax, said that when he heard Mrs. Gosselin's very vivid description, one of the other sales persons said that he turned as white as Marcia Cross and Nicole Kidman.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Marcia Cross and Nicole Kidman are considered to be two of the whitest white women in America.]
Mrs. Gosselin later confided to one of her BFF's that she has been in contact with three different supermarket tabloids about selling them intimate photos which show her ex-husband Jon's 3-inch wiener, or more accurately wienie.
Kate said that last week she took down a bunch of boxes with old pictures from when her and Jon were first married and she managed to find at least two dozen photos that she knows the tabloids will buy in a New York minute.
The blonde mother of eight said, "Jon thought that it was real cute leaving me and our eight kids and running around with all of these little perky young things like he was Mr. Party Boy.
Well, after America and the world gets through seeing the photos of Jon and his 'little Jon' he will be so embarrassed he will want to go and find Osama Bin Laden and hide in the same rat hole he's hiding in."
Kate giggled and said, "Let me see, what's that old saying, 'what goes around comes around.'"
Kate Gosselin said that her BFF who is a whiz at the computer is putting together a website which will be totally devoted to Jon's little 'baby pecker.'
For more information on the new website, you can go to www.jonsthreeinchwinky.wee