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Wednesday, 17 February 2010

image for Kristen Stewart To Play Miley Cyrus in Biopic of Taylor Swift, Says Cheryl Cole's Friend Simon Cowell
Britney's gotta have a reverse boob job before playing Taylor

Hollywood actress and Twilight Star Kristen Stewart will play Hannah Montana actress Miley Cyrus in an upcoming biopic of recent Grammy winning country singer Taylor Swift. This information was according to Cheryl Cole, who said that she received the information from friend and co-worker on The X-Factor Simon Cowell (who Cole says is also producing the movie).

Paris Hilton, who has seen the working copy of the script, says that there is no part of Miley Cyrus in the movie. She further states that Britney Spears will play the part of Taylor Swift and that Spears will have a radical masectomy in order to prepare for the part. Hilton also confirmed that Madonna will play the role of Swift's mother and that Chelsea Clinton, daughter of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and former President Bill Clinton, will play a horse in the movie.

Nicole Ritchie refused to confirm whether or not she plays a drunk driver in the film who runs into Dakota Fanning (playing a younger Swift) in a drunk driving accident during a dream sequence (rumored to be directed by Roman Polanksi, who has always wanted to work with Fanning).

Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, and Selena Gomez have all confirmed that they have been approached to play high school classmates of Swift.

Lindsay Lohan, Robert Pattinson, Lady Gaga, and Amy Winehouse have nothing to do with this movie, but all requested that their names be used in any articles or press releases. Jack Black, Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, and Ray Romano made no such request, but their names will be listed here anyway due to their current Hollywood status.

No release date for the movie has been set, as a filming date must come first and the script hasn't even been finished.

More name dropping will take place as it becomes available.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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