Lovestruck teens the world over heaved a collective sigh of relief today as it was finally announced that Twilight vampire Edward Cullen, aka actor Robert Pattinson, aka Rob Pattz isn't really allergic to vaginas after all.
The story was circulated all over the media that RobPattz was allergic to vaginas after an off the cuff remark made following a photo shoot with a number of naked ladies. When it was suggested to RobPattz that the shoot must have been fun, he joked that it wasn't really fun because he was allergic to vaginas.
A bunch of idiotic journalists, taking this to be a statement of fact promptly sent in news copy and plastered the story all over the internet. Which is where a horrified Kristen Stewart first heard of the hitherto unmentioned allergy. Stewart, who if the internet is to be believed is romantically linked with the 23 year old actor told us:
"I was like, wow! Rob's allergic to dooh dahs! How come he never told me? Then I was like, wow, this is just another of those spontaneous remarks that get blown up out of all proportion by some of those 'cut and paste' internet dorks who copy other people's little jokes, and then like, try to pass it off as their own work. Assholes!"
"Of course I'm not allergic to vaginas," RobPattz told us. "If that was the case I'd never have been born. I'd still be hanging in there in my mom's womb and she'd have a helluva backache by now. It's like that crap that got posted about Kristen starring in the Stretch Armstrong movie, and me having sex with my dog. It's ridiculous."
At which point we had to terminate the interview because we were alerted that yet another Twilight stalwart, Taylor Lautner was putting up the money for country singer Taylor Swift to have humungous breast implants.
Although we don't necessarily believe that.
More crap when the fan starts up again.