Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for Ashley Cole Confesses to Cheryl That He Doesn't Even Know How To Send Text Messages
London's five star Bloomin' Begonia Blooms Hotel, where Cheryl Cole is staying.

LONDON - Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole emailed his wife Cheryl from their mansion in Surrey to the five-star Bloomin' Begonia Blooms Hotel in Central London, where she is staying.

Ashley told his wife, who is scheduled to perform at the prestigious Brit Awards Show, that contrary to what all of the newspapers are printing he does not even know to to send a text message, much less photographs.

Ashley stressed that all of this back and forth bickering is making his injured foot hurt even more. He told Cheryl that he has had to take two aspirins every four hours and his foot still hurts like it had been stepped on by Queen Latifah.

The 29-year-old Mr. Cole confessed to Cheryl that if she takes him back he will buy her that £4,000 [$6,321 U.S.] diamond tongue stud she has been wanting ever since last November.

He said that he will also throw in a his and hers vacation trip to Dubai so that they can patch things up and make everything better like John and Toni Terry did.

Cheryl reportedly emailed him back and simply wrote that she was going to tell the BBC that he and Jon Gosselin both have one little bitty thing in common.

More Cole news as it filters in from the field.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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