Anyone hoping to log on to naked photographs of Welsh diva Katherine Jenkins is going to have to spend an awful long time on line, only to be disappointed because no such pictures actually exist - at least not in the public domain - as we can exclusively reveal.
News has emerged that Katherine was offered £1 million by a leading nudie skin mag to grace their pages naked, an offer which she declined because her mother wouldn't like it.
Undoubtedly influenced by a recent Coronation Street storyline featuring Rosie Webster appearing semi-nude on a peanut card in the Rovers and the upset that it caused to Kevin and Sally, Katherine declined the offer.
Further investigations by us revealed that the world's leading authority on Katherine Jenkins nude pictures, a South American war criminal/revolutionary in the Che Guevara mould, Colonel Juan, could not actually supply any nude pictures at all of Katherine Jenkins. What he could supply were only cheap wax crayon renderings which we traced through the notepaper to the Moorview Institute in Springfield, Illinois, a psychiatric institution, home to the world's craziest people - and that's just the staff.
When we called Colonel Juan at the Moorview Institute, we were told that he couldn't come to the phone as he was snuggled up in bed sandwiched between Cheryl Cole and Helen Mirren.
Which quite frankly, we didn't believe.
More as we get it.