BALD HEAD ISLAND, North Carolina - Senator John "Playboy" Edwards has asked his former staff member and mother of his daughter Frances Quinn, Rielle Hunter to be the next Mrs. John Edwards.
Hunter, (pronounced: HOME WRECK-ER) could not say the little seven letter word "Yeppers" fast enough. In fact, John confided to a close friend that she came real close to spraining her tongue on her answer.
An unnamed reliable source stated that Senator Edwards is close to signing the papers on a $3.5 million North Carolina beach house named Cape Suave.
Another unnamed reliable source close friend of Elizabeth Edwards, Mrs. John Edwards, said that a more appropriate name for John and Rielle's beach house would be Cape Cheesy, Cape Gall, Impudence Manor, or Effrontery Estates.
Senator Edwards wanted to dispel the rumor that he had purchased the beach house with campaign donations. John stated that he would never use one penny of his campaign funds to buy a house.
He admits that he does use it for $400 haircuts, and expensive shoes and clothes, but not for big things like houses, cars, or yachts.
Senator Edwards said that when he leaves political office he plans on settling down and just taking some time to relax with Rielle, Frances Quinn, and their four pet ducks, Quacky, Quacker, Quackette, and Joe.
SIDENOTE: Senator Edwards is writing a book based on the whole Rielle Hunter affair. The book is titled, Yes, I Lied, But At Least I Didn't Lie About Weapons of Mass Destruction.