Though John Mayer is still embroiled in controversy over his use of a racial slur in a recent Playboy Magazine interview, Jessica Simpson added to Mayer's troubles by ending their relationship after his interview was made public.
Though Mayer could not be reached for comment, his personal bodyguard, Buster Nukkles, told reporters, "That chick is out of her mind. She's over-reacting to what she thinks John said, rather than to what he actually said. If anyone should be pissed off, it should be me". The six foot six inch African-American Nukkles, former college athlete of the year and also Mayer's personal trainer, commented, "John and I are going to have a chat over what he actually said. Count on his next training session to be painful."
The Simpson camp is less talkative, ignoring opportunities to tell her side of the story to the press, though The Spoof was able to break through that barrier with an inside connection to Simpson's bikini wax technician. Ms. Tiffany Tartt tells TheSpoof, "Jessica just hates John's use of all the 'N' words. After months of hearing them, the Playboy article was the straw that broke the gerbil's back." Queried about the plural nature of 'N' words in her comment, Tartt responded, "John calls her a numskull, or a nincompoop, or a knucklehead all the time. She's sick of it, and that's why she, why we all left."
Destined to go down as another "Chicken of the Sea" moment for Simpson, our reporter felt an uncharacteristic feeling of sympathy towards both Ms. Tartt and Ms. Simpson and chose not to ruin their current assumptions. Instead, Ms. Tartt was asked if Simpson planned to change her 'look' along with her boyfriend and what airport destination she might be leaning towards. Tartt misinterpreted the question responding, "As far as look, she doesn't care for the landing strip. Jessica goes baldy all the way."