PORTLAND, Maine - Sarah Palin was in town speaking to a convention of The Maine League of Lobster Catchers. She told the league members that they are doing a fantastic job, because she happens to know that it is a whole lot easier to catch salmon than it is to catch lobsters.
The ex-governor of Alaska noted that lobsters have those two big sharp pinchy thingies that can easily open a can of Diet Dr. Pepper with one swoosh.
"Snow Plow" Palin added that with lobsters the fisherman have to use much bigger bait. She noted that anyone can catch a salmon by just using an ordinary run-of-the-mill worm. But to catch a lobster it usually takes at least two shrimp per lobby, as lobsters are called in Alaska.
After the convention was over, Mrs. Palin was asked about her remark in regards to the word retard. She reportedly told Katie Couric that White House Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emanuel should be fired because of his use of the word.
Palin was then told that when Rush Limbaugh used the very same word she did not say a word about him being fired.
The "Ice Princess" noted that the reason was because when Mr. Emanuel used the word he was being serious and when Limbaugh used the word he was just being funny.
When told that Rush Limbaugh is not exactly a comedian like Robin Williams, Kathy Griffin, or David Letterman, "Snow Sled" Sarah just smiled her fake librarian smile and said that no one should ever use the word retard, and especially not retards.
She went on to say that she has to be honest about this and she pointed out that her advisers had actually told her to say that it was wrong of Rahm Emanuel to use the word, and that it was okay for Rush Limbaugh to use the word simply because Emanuel is a Democrat and Limbaugh is a Republican.
"Shotgun" Sarah was then told, then that as far as she is concerned it is perfectly okay for someone to make the most stupidest, meanest, most hateful remarks, and if it is done by a GOPer it is okay, but if it is done by a Democrat then it is not okay.
Palin grinned and said, "By golly, gee whiz, I think you got it in your nuts shell."
"Happy Teats" Palin was then asked if she could still see Russia from her master bedroom window. She raised her eyebrows and asked if it was a trick question.
When informed that it wasn't she said that she can see Russia from her master bedroom window, but only if it isn't dark outside.
In other news. After hearing Queen Latifah's horribly horrendous singing performance before the start of the Super Bowl, promoters of 17 of her 21 scheduled concert performances have cancelled.