Blonde bombshell sex goddess Sarah Harding out of Girl's Aloud, a good friend of Cheryl Cole's and an avid reader of TheSpoof.com revealed today that she is literally at her wits end because she has not yet been Spoofed by satirical website writers.
The sexy vocalist minx, well known for being photographed in skimpy bikinis in exotic locations today appealed publicly for top Chiswick spoofer and wanted South American war criminal Colonel Juan to please spoof her, preferably naked or nude, even if only in cheap crayon scribbles because she feels that a part of her life's meaning will forever elude her, until she gets the big time Spoof treatment.
Colonel Juan, initially receptive to the idea, even if it did mean running a Spoof at his much beloved Cheryl Cole's Spoof expense was put off by an official Spoof regulator, who informed him in no uncertain terms:
"Oy! Juan! Forget it. We ain't having no Sarah bleeding Harding spoofs on the Spoof. We've got more than enough to cope with as it is. It's a constant 'eadache having to read through stories about Cheryl Cole, Kristen Stewart, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Lady bleedin' Gaga and Beyonce - not to mention Susan Boyle and Lily Allen. We neither want nor need another bloody semi-naked warbler gracing our hallowed pages thank you very much!"
"Oh. All right then," Colonel Juan surrendered meekly. "Can I still run the nude Cheryl stories though? Go on...let me...have a heart. They're me bread and blinking butter don't you know old chap..."
"All right then," the regulator told the Colonel. "But no Sarah Harding stories. We told her that running stories about her was out of the question. Some people never bleedin' well give it up."
Which left a despondent Sarah Harding, blonde and beautiful, bikini clad, on a beach in India basking in clear blue waters as the crashing surf caresses her exquisite form.
Wondering what the bleeding hell Cheryl Cole has that she doesn't?
More as we get it.