Written by Bureau
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Susan Boyle Attacks New York Grocer Over Price Of Haggis
Other Sausages Marked Wrong!!

According to customers fleeing the Kimbo Market in New York, a very angry Susan Boyle was inside beating up a store manager over the price of haggis.

For awhile no one would risk stopping to talk but our ass reporter, Dan Hilliard, had a cab stop and assist two customers with their grocery bags.

"We're pretty sure it was Ms. Boyle because she sang that song from Les Miserable while sitting on the manager, Mr. Bob's head."

"It wert awful said her friend who was visiting from Scotland also. I wert ashamed of me country, that I was."

What happened?

Apparently, from the two versions told at the same time with neither stopping, the store had placed the wrong price on their haggis.

"It wert too low, I noticed thot but I doont eat it thore for tis not tha same as at home."

Apparently as soon as the woman who looked like Susan Boyle saw the price, she snatched up the whole load and dumped it in her cart and went flying to the counter on two wheels.

There the manager was called in and an argument started. The manager offered the first three for the lower cost but wanted the double price for the rest.

"That was when she exploded! Called him a robber of simple folks and a rotten bounder, pushed him down and sat on his head. We ran out."

That's all we have for now but another reporter for UP2 says that someone looking like Simon Cowell has arrived.

"At least I hope it's Simon Cowell. I'd hate for some other poor thing to look like that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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