Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 6 February 2010

image for Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift's Condom Commercial Receives The Coveted Woody Award
The Orange Seed Auditorium in Pensacola, site of Taylor Swift's concert.

PENSACOLA, Florida - Taylor Swift performed to a sold out crowd at Pensacola's Orange Seed Auditorium. The audience gave her a standing ovation at the end and she provided them with three encores.

The concert promoters also gave her 15 bushels of Florida citrus including oranges, grapefruit, tangerines, lemons, and nectaroochees.

Afterwards during a press conference she was informed that the condom commercial that she had filmed with Taylor Lautner had just won the coveted "Woody Award" for being the best sexually oriented commercial in North America.

After the press conference the 19-year-old country singer was interviewed by a member of the country music magazine, Hey Y'all Ain't Gonna Believe This. She was asked about the fact that during her Grammy Show duet with Stevie Nicks she had managed to hit 34 bad notes.

Taylor turned three shades of pink. She looked down at the floor and her eyes got a little misty. She pounded on the table angrily and remarked that she had not realized that she had hit so many bad notes.

She said that she personally felt that the number was closer to 23, but when she was told that Stevie Nicks had actually counted them, then she knew that the 34 number was correct because although Nicks may be fat she still has a good memory.

Swift said that she has already apologized for the 34 bad notes about 17 or 19 times. She then pointed out that it was funny that no one said a word about the 349 good notes that she hit on that particular song.

She asked why no one is saying a word about that. She got very serious and then asked, "So can anyone tell me why everyone is talking about my 34 bad notes, but no one, not one son-of-a-bitch, or bitch has said one falootin' word about the 349 good notes that I falootin' did hit.

Taylor said that the very next day she received 79 phone calls. She said that 76 asked her what had happened. Taylor said that only three told her not to worry about it because everyone, even Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, and Lady Gaga all have a bad day and hit a bad note once in a while.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Yes Miss Swift, one note, but not 34 freakin notes! Not even American Idol initial auditioners hit that many bad notes.]

She was asked who the three positive phone calls were from. She answered that the third one was from her BFF Kellie Pickler, the second one was from Kelly Clarkson, and the first one was from her dreamboat Taylor Lautner.

Taylor then said that the way she feels right now she would just like to run off to the Mediterranean Isle of Majorca with Lauty (Lautner) and spend all of their time having him (blanking) her till her little bitty eyes literally pop out.

In other news. Ann Coulter, GOP mouthpiece, has stated that the rumors of her having a tattoo with the letters GOP tattooed on her G-spot are absolutely false. She then added that she has no G-spot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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