Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Aerosmith Wants To Replace Steven Tyler With Adam Lambert
Adam Lambert photographed at a McDonald's in La Brea, California

GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Aerosmith performed a concert at The Cowboy Britches Auditorium in Green River. It was the band's first performance without lead singer Steven "The Lipster" Tyler who has entered into a rehab clinic for second degree swollen lips.

Aerosmith had a guest lead singer Toto Tabinski, who sings with the local rock band Buffalo Toto And The Total Bison Butts.

The Aerosmith band members all got together and decided that even once Steven gets out of rehab, his voice is just no longer there. They have all decided that they want to replace Tyler with Adam Lambert of American Idol fame.

The band's soundman, Skippy Vantaloosi, who has been with Aerosmith for ten years, says that Steven is just no longer able to hit the high notes that he once used to. Skippy said that he has gotten to the point that Led Zeppelin's lead singer Robert Plant reached.

Vantaloosi said that the desire to sing is still there, but there is just no way that these two 61-year-old singers are going to hit the high notes with the ease that they did back when they were in their 20s and 30s.

Vantaloosi noted that Adam Lambert is a powerful singer, with a tremendous 4-octave range, much like the 4-octave range that Roy Orbison had.

He went on to say that Lambert is perhaps the greatest male singer in the English speaking music market. Vantaloosi who is considered to be one of the top three soundmen in the business pointed out that (Steven) Tyler can hit 39 different notes, (Robert) Plant can hit 38 different notes, and (Adam) Lambert can hit 83 different notes.

Vanty, as his mom calls him, said that it is a "No Brainer."

The Aerosmith members have reportedly gotten together and voted unanimously to replace Tyler with Adam Lambert.

Adam Lambert was performing at The Cheddar Cheese Arena in Green Bay, Wisconsin. He was informed after his concert that Aerosmith wants him to be their new lead singer.

He reportedly was so surprised that he dropped his cell phone. Luckily it landed on a slab of Gorgonzola and did not break. He has made it very clear that he would be honored to step in and fill Tyler's shoes.

In other news. Socialite Paris Hilton was informed that she had been voted Queen of The Boysenberry Festival in El Dorado, Arkansas. Paris said that she hates boysenberries and stated that she will not show up.

Homer Tatfeller, president of The Boysenberry Festival emailed Paris and said "Don't cha come down ta El Dorado. We've had ourselves a hankerin' of some second thoughts and ya looks like da type of female dat would scare da dickens and shit out of our pigs. My sister, Tittly Tatfeller, who is only 9, has agreed ta be our Boysenberry Queen. So please go ta hell Hilton, you skinny, anorexical-looking tongue depressor. Not yours truly, Homer T."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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