Reports are flooding into my office tonight stating that John Terry has been sensationally sacked as England football captain by no nonsense head coach Fabio Capello. At this point I am still waiting for confirmation, as is the case with reports that the captain's armband has been handed to Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand.
Continuing in the same vein, the media buzz is that Vanessa Perroncel, the French lingerie model and, in my opinion, accomplished trollop appears to be preparing a media blitz campaign of further scandalous revelations about the seedy side of our national game.
Expect saturation coverage in the Sunday Papers as Britain's most talked about Madamoiselle prepares to, as I see it, cash in to the max on her grubby 15 minutes of fame.
And as John Terry plays the wounded soldier cum martyr and comes clean to the public why he finds it a monumental struggle to keep his cock in his trousers.
More as we pipe it out.