Poor Kirstie Alley can't get anything to go right these days.
"I can't even plan for my departure, whenever that might happen", she told Dan Hilliard ass reporter of UP2.
It seems that there are many extra charges for anyone over 300 hundred pounds.
"We really have no choice", stated undertaker Claude Grounds. "It sometimes takes seven or eight days for the process to be completed and last week, a huge grease fire broke out and we had to have the fire department out here."
At their last morticians meeting, before they had fun dropping water-bladders from the top of a building, it was suggested that the funeral home crematoriums simply hold off until the burnee loses down to 250 pound or less but they would still have to pay a "holder" fee.
"I was there years ago during the Mama Cass thing and I hope I never see anything like that again. Fat popped all over us and my assistant Volley Buzhardt caught on fire. I bet that episode never got into the lyrics of Creeque Alley"
"To this day, I can't listen to that song or "Dream A Little Dream Of Me!" Believe me, I HAVE! I HAVE!"