Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 5 February 2010

image for Carrie Underwood Reveals Why She'll Be Lip Syncing The National Anthem At The Super Bowl
Carrie Underwood's autographed guitar which she will be raffling off to benefit The Kirstie Alley Food Fund.

CHICAGO - Country music's sexy singing sensation Carrie Underwood appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show revealed that she was actually the fourth choice to sing the National Anthem at this years 44th Annual Super Bowl.

Underwood said that the NFL's first choice was Susan Boyle. But she had a prior commitment to meet with some home security people.

The second choice was Taylor Swift, but her manager said that Taylor is still recovering from all of the bad press she has been receiving for hitting 34 bad notes in her Grammy Show duet with 78-year-old Stevie Nicks.

Reports are that Miss Swift is also traumatized about having dropped and broken one of her four Grammy Awards.

Carrie said that the NFL's third choice was General Larry Platt of "Pants On The Ground" fame. But they were told that Platt would not be able to perform because he had already signed to appear at a grand opening of Colonel Bubba Boys Fried Chicken Diner in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

So when the NFL asked Carrie to perform she jumped at the chance like a dung beetle jumping on sh*t.

She was asked what she was going to wear. She said that the NFL Super Bowl XXXXIV (XLIV) Executive Committee wanted her to perform in a bikini swimsuit with the number 44 on each of the swimsuit's cups, but Carrie vetoed the idea saying that it would be false advertising since she is only a 34B.

Underwood said that instead of the bikini swimsuit she will be wearing a red, white, and blue leotard with the word Saints written across her chest and the word Colts written across her bottom.

When the stunning blonde from Oklahoma was asked how she felt about performing the National Anthem before a world-wide audience of 4 billion, Carrie grinned and said that she was as tickled as a an African-American lion nibbling on a pair of limping zebras.

She then said that she was going to confess that she will be lip syncing the words to The Star Spangled Banner. She was asked why in the world would she be doing an unprofessional Britney Spears imitation.

Carrie took a drink from her glass of milk and said because she really does not know the words very well.

She confessed that after the 'Jose can you see' line she has a problem. She noted that she does not want to use a teleprompter because she is afraid people will think that she is just copying President Barack Obama.

In other news. Ann Coulter has said that reports of her having had an affair with Tiger Woods are absurd. She said she hates sports people, she doesn't really like blacks, and she is quick to add that this is America and she can say that, she is allergic to golf balls, and she isn't exactly what one would call pretty, or even remotely pretty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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