LAS VEGAS - Goodness, gracious. In the words of Mr. Hoover, Damn! Mr. and Mrs. Alex Reid hadn't even been married seven hours when they had their first spat.
It seems that Alex Reid and Katie Reid, formerly Katie Price, walked into a strip club called The Nice Little Nookie Nook.
Alex stated that it was Katie's idea to go. He wanted to go see the movie "Lavatory," which is a spoof of the film "Avatar."
But Katie said that she felt like looking at some butter bags, bomb bays, and bearded tacos, which are all pretty much self-explanatory.
Alex let Katie get her way, since he knows from dating her that she can be a first-class pain-in-the-puckeroo.
Well as soon as they sat down one of the cuties waltzed over to their table. "Hey look it's Brad and Angie" she yelled out.
Katie told her that she wasn't funny. The cutey named Millie then turned to Alex and asked him why in the world he had brought his mother to a place like this.
Katie stood up and before she could do anything stupid, Alex, grabbed her and told her to behave. He said that no wife of his was going to carry on like she was Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, or Lindsay Lohan.
She turned to Alex and said "Why don't ya just go and eff those three bitches and while you're at it, why don't ya go ahead and breed dis one as well since she appears ta sure be in heat."
Alex told Millie that his wife had just had a little too much too drink. Millie looked at Katie and remarked, "What's the matter there industrial eyelashes can't you hold your liquor?"
"Hey twat teeth, blimen hold dis!"
"What? Does it have an extension? And what the hell does blimen mean anyway?"
Katie told Alex to turn her loose or she would file to have the marriage annulled. Alex turned her loose and told her that he was tired of being married to her.
He said that it had only been 7 hours but it effen felt like they had been married for 7 effen, frickin, frackin months.
Katie told him that she only married him to double her wardrobe. Just then security came up to the couple and told both Alex and Katie to leave. And they added that if they did not leave willingly they would have no recourse but to pepper spray them.
"Pepper spray us?" Katie shouted.
"You know what ya Yankee faggarino, ya 'aven't da nads to pepper spr-
In other news. Reports are still somewhat sketchy but it appears that a volcano has suddenly formed about three miles outside of Dublin, Ireland, and it is threatening to erupt. More details when we get them.