Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Kelly Clarkson

Friday, 5 February 2010

image for Kelly Clarkson Defends Her Weight Gain - It's No Problem, I'll Just Wear Black
The Famous Ten Item Torpedo from The Submarine Sandwich Shop. Kelly Clarkson eats two of these for breakfast.

NATCHEZ, Mississippi - Kelly Clarkson, who was the very first American Idol winner, was in Natchez performing at a concert in The When Dem Cotton Balls Get Rotten Convention Center.

And as always the gal from Texas put on quite a performance. She sang all of her hits including "Since U Been Gone," "Behind These Hazel Eyes," and her latest song, "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It, My Bad."

After her performance Clarkson was backstage and she was asked what she thought about how Taylor Swift had been criticized because in her duet with Stevie Nicks at the Grammy Award Show she had hit a total of 34 bad notes.

Clarkson asked who had counted them. She was quickly informed that Stevie Nicks had counted them. Clarkson could not believe that Nicks had actually counted Taylor hitting 34 bad notes while she herself was singing.

When informed that she (Clarkson) forgets that Stevie Nicks has been singing for almost 50 years Clarkson merely said, "Oh wow, well I guess that she can sing and count bad notes at the same time huh, my bad."

Kelly was then asked what she thought about General Larry Platt and his song "Pants On The Ground." Clarkson laughed and said that she had heard that Larry Platt was not really a general.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Well duh, Kelly.]

She then went on to say that Platt will never tour. When asked why. She replied because he only has one song. And how the heck can you put on a one hour and 15 minute concert with only one song.

Kelly was then asked about her sudden weight gain. The young gal turned into a Texas tornado. She stood up and got in the reporter's face. "I am not fat!" She yelled. "I am just a little short for my weight."

When told that she really wasn't all that short she really hit the roof. Literally. The ceiling in her dressing room was only about 6 feet high, apparently there had been some kind of problem with the contractors not getting paid in a timely manner.

Kelly said that she cannot help it if the calories that she eats have a tendency of just hanging around. she said that she has tried all kinds of diets from the Water and Ketchup Diet to the Nine Calories a Day Diet, and even The Eat Whatever You Want But Then Regurgitate It Diet.

Clarkson said that the only thing she can do is that from now on she will solve her weight problem by wearing black. she'll wear a black dress and black jeans, black blouse, and even a black bra and panties.

In a developing story. Keira Knightley seems to think that her little bitty size 34-AA titties are starting to grow a little bit, but her hair stylist Jose of San Jose says, "Nopers, her chichi's are boaf dee same size as dey was jesterday."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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