HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga opened The 52nd Grammy Awards Show along with Sir Elton John. They performed the Elton John song "Tiny Dancer" and dedicated it to rap artist Lil Kim who stands 4 foot 3.
Lady Gaga and Lady Haha then performed a second song, the Katy Perry song, "I Kissed A Girl."
Stephen Colbert appeared as the shows host and then kind of suddenly disappeared. One of the stage hands stated that Colbert had been arrested by Los Angeles police for trespassing.
It seems that Colbert was not really supposed to have been the host, but he apparently paid Kanye West, who was supposed to have hosted, $2,000 to stay away.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kanye West who has performed only once since his infamous Taylor Swift microphone grabbing incident took the $2,000 because he needs the money bad.]
The artist known as Pink sort of stole the show at L.A.'s Staple Center, when she sang the Beatles song "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" while suspended from the rafters.
The lights were dimmed as Pink wore no clothing at all except for three strategically placed stripper's pasties.
Kid Rock was heard to have said backstage that he now sees where Pink got her nickname from.
The shows director stated after the show that there had been an equipment malfunction and that is why towards the end Pink started sweating like a son-of-a-gun.
Most of the TV viewers actually thought that she had been hosed down, but Pink was actually sweating up a hell of a storm because she started spinning uncontrollably.
Stevie Nicks performed a duet with Taylor Hicks. And the former Fleetwood Mac singer clearly showed why her last album back in 1991, only sold 19 albums.
Nicks was not lip syncing, she just was not mouthing the words. It was as if she was saving her voice for the concert tour, which is odd because there ain't no concert tour.
Someone remarked that Stevie could have easily phoned in her performance. Taylor later said that Stevie's black witches outfit smelled like moth balls.
Britney Spears did not sing or win anything. She just showed up like one of the 89,452 other guests. Spears wore a transparent black laced dress over a black teddy.
Someone noted that with her black hair, Britney looked like Gloria Estefan, except that she is not as short, as chubby, and she can speak English.
And Katy Perry was there accompanied by her fiance Russell Brand. With her Egyptian hairdo, Katy looked like Cleopatra on her way to the high school prom.
Taylor Swift won four awards. Best Country Album of the Year, Best Album of the Year, Best Female Country Vocal Performance, and Best Female Singer Who Openly Practices Abstinence.
The Zac Brown Band won the Grammy for Best New Artist. These boys from the backwoods of Georgia are real down home local yokels. They still use words like cipher, cider, and outhouse.
The fans were shocked when they saw Zac and the boys drive up to the front of the Staples Center on a cotton combine.
The 52 Grammy Award Show closed with the rappin' trio of Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Lil Wayne. The three took turns singing, or rather that's not a good choice of words. The three took turns 'shout talking' rap songs that included a total of just a little over 27,820 words, most of the one syllable variety.
And the word coming out of the backstage is that the CBS censor was worn out at the end of their performance which seemed to go on and on and on.
The song performance which was laden with expletives, vulgarisms, and curse words that would make an Oregon lumberjack blush had to be bleeped a total of 93 times.
The show ended without any great big controversy. No one tried to take anyone's microphone away. No one made fun of Lady Gaga's stupid looking outfits, and no one made any political statements, except for Bon Jovi's guitarist, 72-year-old Richie Sambora.
Sambora, who was once married to Heather Locklear, remarked that Dick Cheney was supposed to have been at the award show but couldn't make it because he was in his garage back in Nebraska working on making up some more lies.
In a related story. An unnamed source said that he witnessed Stevie Nicks and Mariah Carey backstage comparing muffin tops.