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Monday, 1 February 2010

image for Guy Ritchie Turns Down Moorview Movie - Bargis Tryhol Furious
Making Movies - London Style

It's reputedly the hottest seat in Tinseltown - we're talking here about the director's chair on the upcoming production of 'Moorview - The Movie' based on the collaborative effort in the Magazine section of top satirical website theSpoof.com

But English pub landlord, one time movie director and ex-husband of Madonna, Guy Ritchie has reportedly turned the project down flat, despite offers in the region of $12 million to take the helm.

Insider reports tell us that, having read the script, Ritchie snorted that it was a load of old pony (crap) because it didn't have any East End diamond geezers in it who robbed security vans at gunpoint and loved their dear old muvvahs. He was also hyper critical of the fact that the movie wasn't faaahmlee orientated and that it wasn't even set in gaw blimey Lahnden innit mate.

So he turned the project down. End of. But is it?

Co-creator of the Moorview saga, Bargis Tryhol, the man with the world's largest penis, was furious when he heard of Richie's refusal to come on board.

"What right does this Limey c*cks*cker have to turn our project down when we didn't even offer it to him in the first place? The pr*ck! We don't want a Limey director anyway. We want a true red-blooded American like Roman Polanski on this project. F*ckin' Limeys!"

Co-creator of Moorview, Jalapenoman was a little more circumspect in his appraisal, telling us:

"If the guy couldn't keep his end up with an American woman who's seen better days, then he hardly fits the bill to direct our movie. We need a substantial presence behind the cameras. An American presence. Like Woody Allen. Not some damned Limey who talks gobbledygook."

Jack Nicholson turned down a major part in the movie on the grounds that he's not getting any younger and that his knees are getting a bit dodgy.

More Moorview mayhem as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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