Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 30 January 2010

image for Miley Cyrus Stresses That Joaquin Phoenix Did Not Touch Her Inappropriately
The box of tissues that Miley went through when she found out she would be stuck in Kalamazoo for 12 hours.

KALAMAZOO, Michigan - Miley Cyrus brought her Smiley Miley Winter Tour to The Millard Fillmore Convention Center in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

The weather was horrible and she asked what the temperature was. When told that it was 2 degrees with a wind chill factor of minus 17, she asked what the heck they meant by the wind chill factor.

She was told that because of the wind that is blowing, it really makes the actual temperature of 2 seem like minus 17.

Miley got a puzzled look on her face, she popped her bubblegum, and said that she knows now that she should have paid attention in geography class.

The 17-year-old teenage sensation was asked what she liked the best about Michigan. She rolled her eyes, looked at her watch, and replied, "That I will be leaving Michigan in about two hours."

She quickly told the three reporters who heard her that she was just kidding. She then noted that she was seriously thinking about buying a home in Detroit since she is a big fan of the Bengals.

When told that the Bengals played in Cincinnati and the Lions played in Detroit, she quickly recovered by saying that she meant the Tigers.

Cyrus was asked about the allegations that the clean-shaven Joaquin Phoenix had made inappropriate advances towards her while the two were filming an infomercial for the Sara Simaletti Nympho Shelter in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

She simply replied that there was no basis to those rumors whatsoever.

She then added that they were just vicious rumors that had probably been started by David Letterman. Miley went on to add that if she finds out that Letterman is making those false charges that she is going to tell Larry King that Letterman told her that he wants her to have his baby.

Miley finished talking to the reporters and quickly left for the Kalamazoo Airport. Due to the fact that the snow was five feet high, all flights out of Kalamazoo Airport had been cancelled for at least 12 hours.

Miley could be heard screaming from half a mile away.

In other news. Carnie Wilson has admitted that because of her tremendous weight loss, which she gained back, some of her friends are calling her "Yo-Yo." Carnie says that she doesn't mind "Yo-Yo" because it could be worse, they could call her Kirstie, Wynonna, or Mo'nique.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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