Written by Xinix Xaxx
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Saturday, 30 January 2010

image for Squidward Tentacles Wins Lottery
Is Squidward packing up to move from Bikini Bottom?

It hit him like a bolt of lightning. Squidward Tentacles was visited today by someone pounding on his door and this time it wasn't Spongebob. It was instead Ed MacClam from the Publisher's Sweepinghouse Contest and his "Prize People" delievering a giant cardboard check to Mr. Tentacles. Squidward had won a prize and not just any old prize. Squidward Tentacles won the one hundred million dollar prize.

Squidward, upon believing Mr. MacClam, was rushed to the hospital with the Prize People in hot pursuit. They were tere by his bed when he woke up and, more carefully this time, presented Squidward with his check. Squidward was all smiles for the cameras, especially after someone pointed out that not only would he be able to move away from Bikini Bottom, but he now had a larger personal fortune than his longtime rival, Squilliam Fancyson. Squidward simply sat, holding the check and smiling for several hours.

Squidward was unavailable for comment, but his former boss, Eugene Krabs was ready to talk with reporters, hoping to get a message to Squidward.

"Squidward, me boy, ye always knew I loved ye like a son, right?" Mr Krabs begins, smiling and wringing his claws. "I was always a little hard on ye because I wanted to drive ye to be the best ye could be. It was just because I love you!" His face became very serious as he then snarled, "Don't ye ferget yer boss when ye go to cash that check!"

Spongebob Squarepants and Partick Starr were not available for comment. Both are still on Patrick's book tour.

Squidward so far has not spoken to the press, but did release a printed letter.

"So long SUCKERS!!!" which is believed to indicate he plans to move from Bikini Bottom to an undisclosed location. Should he release any other statements or offer any interviews, this reporter will keep you informed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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