Written by Bill Skywalker
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Topics: Music, coldplay

Friday, 29 January 2010

In an exclusive interview with me, Bill Skywalker, Coldplay frontman and chief charity botherer Chris Martin has announced a new direction for the band - by turning them into 'a rude bunch of bastards!'.

In a shocking turn of events for the band known formerly as 'the nice boys of rock' Martin said: 'The best way to change our image was to turn into a completely different band. So from now on I'm going to be rude. My fellow band members have already started. Guy Berryman, our bassist because I'm sure you don't know their names, already shat in out producer Brian Eno's hat, and when he was leaving our studio yesterday he put it on and the next moment he was covered in shit! We shouted "ha ha ha ha ha" you're covered in shit!"

Asked about their next album and their upcoming tour of South America, Chris said: "We're going to call it 'F*ck Radiohead And You Too, see what we did with 'You Too' huh huh! Like U2! Ha huh ha! It's going to be a concept album full of scandalous and libellous stories regarding our two major influences and it's mostly deliberate. Thom Yorke gets into a gay love affair with The Edge's pet cat, ha, huh! And as for our South American tour, we've already planned an encore consisting of us farting into our microphones - that is rude isn't it?!"

It's not known why Coldplay have decided to take this image. An ex producer for the band recently doubted that they will take this extreme turn commenting that the band are probably 'merely unwell'.

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