SOUTH HILLS, CHARLESTON, WV (ABSNN) -- Hollywood honey, Jennifer Garner, has decided to return to her high school alma mater, George Washington High School, in the cake eating section of Charleston, West Virginia, South Hills, and run for Home Coming Queen.
"Why the heck not," said the former Charleston girl. "I'm even better looking than I was at 17-years-old; I have plenty of money; I can buy the post," Garner said through her spokesperson, former West Virginia Governor Jay Rockefeller (also from South Hills).
"Sharon and I are proud to sponsor Jennifer for Home Coming Queen at GWHS. Other than all the rich, cake eaters who attend there, GWHS has nothing else to reccommend it to the nation," said Senator Rockefeller.
"Besides, I hated the bitch that won in my senior year," said Garner.