Written by snoz bunsen
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Topics: Death

Monday, 11 October 2004

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Superman would never have asked for any personal miracles

The entertainment industry was today reeling following the tragic death of Somewhere In Time actor Christopher Reeve.
The 52 year old quadriplegic star of several somewhat ironically titled movies such as Bump in the Night (1991), Death Dreams (1991), Nightmare in the Daylight (1992), Morning Glory (1993) and Speechless (1994) fell at his Pound Ridge home on Saturday only this time not from a horse but into a coma, following a massive heart attack.

Best known for his 1970's portrayal of comic book hero Superman, Reeve became unanimated in hospital on Sunday, surrounded by his loving family.

Supervillain Gene Hackman -who went prematurely bald as a direct result of Reeve knocking over some chemicals with his superbreath while trying to extinguish a fire in his lab as a youth- this morning said, "I wouldn't be surprised if Brainiac and his advanced bio-mutational powers had something to do with this although saying that, mxyzptlk is equally capable." However Hackman later telephoned this publication, pointing out that mxyzptlk could not possibly have been involved as he can only teleport from the fifth dimension once every ninety days or so. "I'm sure I saw him outside the Playhouse Theatre on Weston-Super-Mare high street last Thursday," the Popeye Doyle lookalike explained.

A previously avid horseman, Reeve never rode again following an accident in 1996, when he fell from his gelding, Green Krypton. Having broken his back -resulting in paralysis from the neck down- the Deathtrap star thereafter became a tireless campaigner for spinal research. In a brief statement a spokesperson for the Stem Cell Research Association, Albert Foetus, this afternoon said, "Mr. Reeve encouraged others to work back-breakingly hard on his behalf in order to increase awareness of some of the crippling effects of paralysis. However, knowing Chris as well as I do, I am confident the death from fatal heart attack associated with systemic infections brought about by grade three and above pressure sores industry (DFFHAAWSIBABGTAAPSI) can now look forward to the man in steel raising their profile while embracing their cause just as soon as Oprah can get him back on."

donations are invited and can be made at www.dffhaawsibabgtaapsi.org

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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