Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 27 January 2010

image for Gary Coleman to Star in New Reality Series
Coleman's Failed Broadway Attempt at Playing Napoleon

A production company is about to announce a new reality television series , featuring the vertically challenged former child star Gary Coleman who was most notably famous for a single quote from his late 70's TV show, Diff'rent Strokes. "What you talkin' about Willis", remains an endearing piece of Americana to this day.

The man who would struggle to find work as an actor years after the series ended, was at one time a candidate for Governor of the State of California. Pitted against the Terminator, and 130 other candidates, Coleman was just a sapling in amongst the trees. After multiple encounters with the law and years of various odd jobs, the offer provided just the impetus for Coleman to walk tall.

"Let's face it, society has already counted three strikes against him", says assistant, Wendy Witewash. "He's short, he's black, and he's not funny. Together as a complete package, an angry Gary Coleman is reality TV gold. And, when we travel around the US, we can pack him in a suitcase and save on the airfare."

The show format will feature Coleman performing a series of jobs around the country, where height, strength and dexterity would normally be required to do the job well. "And that's the funny part", says Witewash. Answering critics who say that the show is purely exploitive of Coleman's stature and pride, Witewash responds, "And you think the idiots that agree to appear on our other reality shows don't know their being exploited?... get real."

"Short and Determined" will appear on a cable channel to be named later, though the premiere will feature Coleman as a New York Firefighter. Duct taped to a high pressure fire hose, the fun starts when his co-workers turn up the water pressure. Coleman's injuries were superficial and he is expected to make a full recovery in time for episode number two.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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