PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Senator John Edwards, hot off of his admittance that he is in fact little Quinn's biological father, has arrived in Haiti's capital city to help in fund-raising proceedings.
Raul P. Escritor, a representative for the Haitian government has warned the senator from North Carolina that he had better not dare get a Haitian woman pregnant.
Escritor stated that if it is learned that Edwards even had a semblance of a dalliance with a citizen of Haiti he will be arrested, tried, convicted, and have his Little John [EXPLETIVE ACT DELETED - OUCHERS!]
Edwards has assured the government officials that while he is in Haiti he promises to keep his (blank) in his pants and out of the reach of the Haitian women.
He went on to add that he has really and truly learned his lesson and that he knows that if he ever gets another woman pregnant he will not really have to concern himself too much about it, because Elizabeth (his wife) has vowed to shoot the sucker (penis) off with a 12-gauge shotgun.
In other news. Japan's national beverage agency, Yu Drinky, has just released the results of a national survey that states that Saki has just been passed by Diet Dr. Pepper as the most popular beverage of Japan.